'Fairy Tale isn't Fairy Tale after all

 Once upon  a time, i dream of a fairytale where i will live my life freely, and happily ever after.

Now this isnt the life i am living now.

Every morning and every night i am praying for a miracle where my eldest son will be stronger and healthier. My heart breaks into a million pieces every time i see him falls sick. High fever, sore throat and suffering from pain. Swallowing so much medicines. Skipping schools and lying on bed at home. Rushing to the hospitals looking for a doctor who can identify his problems and advise on medications or treatments that can make him better.

It has been years he is like this. But we found no answer. Doctors are just pushing their responsibilities away. Prescribing antibiotics is the only answer for them. Blood tests after blood tests in different hospitals. Still no answer. 

In the end, i know deep inside that the only person who can give me an answer is God. And i am waiting for a miracle. Having faith is to believe. However, with all the never ending struggles and challenges along the way, faith can fade away and one may lose faith.

When i look at my son, he has missed so many chapters of his life as a child. He cannot enjoy many varieties of food like burgers or fried chickens because of his mouth ulcers. It is hereditary in fact. We have been going to clinics and hospitals more than we can count. 

There are many activities where he can take part in schools and outside of schools. Many children travel during school holidays, water park, arcades, games, sports and many more. I would really love for my son to be able to join. But with him falling sick and having fever every 3 weeks is a cycle that has not been broken yet. 

I feel so lost. There is no one who can sincerely help me and my son here. Those doctors shows on tv are all a lie. Their doctors are efficient, analytical, intelligent and risk taking and most importantly they are passionate about saving lives. But in reality, none of this are real. 

Family members are also not seriously helping. My mil told my husband that we are over reacting. It is such a sad statement. What is over react when the child's fever is 40 degrees and crying in pain. 

I saved the videos and sent to her to let the rest of their family to see with their eyes, whether i am faking it or it is real. 

No one will ever understand our pain unless they come and witness with their own eyes. NO one will pity my son unless they put themselves in his shoes and feel the pain he suffers.

I have been coughing for a long time and with the stress and sleepless nights, i feel my health has also been affected.

At the end of the day, i will remind myself not to lose Faith. 

Seek and God will open the door for me,
Ask and God will find an answer for me,
Pray and God will give me a miracle.

# signing off at 11.30 pm, Sunday, 16th March 2025 #