Back to School

 It is Monday again.

The start of the week.

The start of everything new.

Back to school.

Back to work.

I hope that my days will be brighter in December.

Dare not hope. Dare not plan. Dare not think of anything.

Just pray and continue to pray.

I told myself to read my Bible every night but i still am not determined enough.

Now i am scared whenever i hear my son cough or sneeze. 

When they sneeze, my heart froze.

When they cough, my throat choked.

Today I have thrown away basically everything that is old and rotten in my house.

I have ordered a new mattress yesterday to replace my old one which has vomits and urine on it.

I have thrown away an old side table which was already tearing or falling apart.

My aunty will be going back home tomorrow.

So sad. I wish she can stay with us longer as she is jovial and helps us a lot.

She came to help out whenever my kids are in hospital. i dont even know how i can repay my aunties and uncles. 

Every year i will book hotel and stay with my aunties and uncle during year end or chinese new year. Sometimes even eat good food during birthdays.

Now i am jobless, my uncle said to me, so i dont have to give them anymore money. haha. so embarrassing.

Over the years they have been helping us in and out ever since my brother was small.
and now is already the second generation with my kids.

She cannot stand my mom nagging and complaints everyday.

nobody can stand that honestly.

The worst part of it is that my mom does not admit it.
She will instead said we are the ones who made her depressed all the time.
Especially me. She blamed me for her depressions.
I am so sad la.

She always say hurtful remarks to me just because she is jealous of me talking to my aunties and dad and everyone else except her.

I cannot have a long conversation with her or else i am going to go crazy.

She still wants to control me on everything that i do.

and control my children's school work, educations, etc.

Now she is starting to chase my dad and my aunty to come stay in my house.

I am already currently taking care of my two kids at home. 

I hope i can take care of my old parents but my kids are so weak.

I now still need my mom and my dad and even my aunt to come help me with my kids.

But my mom likes to backstab and add salt to wounds.
It is like she is not satisfied with everything.

She told my brother of what i said so i had to explain to my brother my reasons.

# signing off # 11.35 pm # 2 December 2024 #